Taming our inner critic, making peace with the past and loving who we are.
What is self-compassion?
The term “self-compassion” is used a lot in psychotherapy. Kristin Neff proposed that self-compassion includes the three elements of self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness. Paul Gilbert suggested that compassion refers to our engagement with and commitment to alleviate our sufferings and that of others. The two definitions are perfectly compatible and each captures the wisdom of its founder precisely.
If compassion is the feeling we experience when we witness others suffer, self-compassion is a way we relate to ourselves when we suffer: to realize and admit that we are suffering (mindfulness & engagement), to face our pain with kindness and understanding (self-kindness & common humanity), and to identify our needs & work on soothing ourselves (commitment to alleviate). To live a self-compassionate life, sometimes we might need to take a journey of self-exploration to rediscover what it means to live for ourselves in a way that nurture and support our personal growth.
Sometimes I am asked, am I being selfish if I live for myself? I often reply that this is exactly what we need to work on – to learn to care for ourselves as much as we care for others habitually. We are not above others, but we are not below others either. If every one else deserves care and kindness, so do I.
Psychology Resources
Psychoeducation Worksheets
Written by registered clinical psychologist.
- Personal use – Concise overview to help you understand different psychology concepts.
- Professionals – Select relevant topics to use as therapy handout for clients.
Self-Help/ Therapy Worksheets
Written with reference to evidence-based psychotherapy model.
- Personal use – Learn to cope with your needs and feelings at your own pace.
- Professionals – Select appropriate worksheets to use in session or as homework for clients.
Coping Cards
Completed with Baby Buddha illustration.
- Personal use – Reminders to live with compassion or send as gifts to spread the messages.
- Professionals – Use as cue card to facilitate discussion in session or summary of therapy .
I am Lai Suen Ngai, a registered clinical psychologist in the United Kingdom. I have been practising psychology since 2012. Over the years, I have witnessed a lot of my clients struggled with harsh self-criticisms and unexplained sense of guilt or shame when they relate with others. They were caught in an agenda of keeping others happy at the expense of their own happiness. For them, pondering how others think and feel is a habit, but paying attention to their own thoughts and feelings is not. Although this is not always the case, the tendency is often linked to traumatic memories in the past. The journeys I went through with them inspired my practice motto: Taming our inner critic, making peace with the past and learning to love who we are.
Compassionate Living Psychology 