Compassionate Living Psychology

I like living a life of routine often but I am also aware that making this statement risks negative social perception. People like to say that a predictable life is boring and the idea of waking up at the same time, having the same food, going to and leaving the office at the same time, doing the same chores back home and retiring to bed at the same time is scary and dull whereas living a spontaneous and free life is often presented as the desirable attitude representing energy and openness.

I do not disagree that embracing changes and letting loose of rigid habit or over-planning is a good thing. In fact, this is something I often recommend to my client. Nevertheless, I believe we should not mix up openness to experience with a lack of routine in life. It is easy to say that “I don’t want a regular, boring life”, but often it is only when we have been through a period of struggle when routine was disrupted and changes happened at a rate faster than we could accommodate that we start to appreciate the comfort and stability routine offers.

Routine can give us a sense of coherence in life. Our world is stable and makes sense, as it always had, so we spend no extra mental resource to process what is happening to us or to gear up for coping with challenges. Instead, we can focus on things that interest us or pursuit that we find intellectually stimulating so we continue to feel significant and see life as meaningful.

Going to the same place or engaging in similar tasks at approximately the same time of the day can also serve as environmental cues for body rhythm synchronization so that we can eat and sleep well. In this way, routine helps to build up our reserve and strengthen our resilience in the event of stressful events. Such structure and predictability are particularly essential for children to learn and develop skills essential to function and navigate adaptively. For people coping with traumatic life events, restoring basic life routine is also helpful for longer term healing of the deeper emotional pain.

Next time when you feel stuck for repeating the same tasks every day, try to approach your life routine from a new perspective rather than seeking to abandon it altogether:

1. We can remind ourselves of the benefits of routine and try to look at it from an angle of gratitude: routine is possible because we are able to live our lives without crisis and threat.
   
2. Rather than seeing it as the culprit of a boring life, we can try to refresh our routine and bring in new elements to it. For example, eating at the same time is good for our biological clock, but we can choose a different cuisine, go to a different restaurant or with different people.
   
3. We can also try to spare time for a new hobby. If your first reaction to the recommendation is that you have no time for it, try to review the frequency and sequence of your regular chores. Be aware of unrealistic expectations or overly demanding, arbitrary rules we set for ourselves regarding these chores. For example, the self-imposed rules to mop the floor every morning and night may have taken up a great deal of our time and effort. We can modify these rules to “mopping the floor twice a week” in order make time for both cleaning and our new hobby.
   
4. If we find our job under-stimulating or unrewarding, it is often useful to consider career change or contemplate a new mode of work instead of full-time work as an employee. However, we should bear in mind that regularity and a certain degree of tedious, repetitive task is common to all professions. Contrary to total freedom in the use of time, even freelance workers or slashers need to build up a work routine and manage their work schedule with discipline in order to succeed.
   
5. If you decide to start anew like getting a new job or moving to a new place, try to incorporate some of your old routine to your new life. For example, if you are used to starting your day with a morning jog, try to stick to it as much as possible. Alternatively, if you enjoy ending your day with a leisure reader, do not give up the practice. Remember the sense of continuity and can serve as a buffer to the stress of adjusting to the new life style.

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